The Big Bang Theory

Hey Guys, 

This is God, your one and only creator and overall lord and savior. Remember me? I kinda died for your sins and stuff. Yeah, I'm that guy. Anyway I've just come home from an interview with this Drugadas fellow, and boy am I exhausted. You humans really are terrible, so to get my point across, I've decided to start a blog. This way the stuff I say won't get twisted into something else like, "Kill the Jews"
I didn't say that.

Start with Raunaq.

Who said that?

Anyway, here's the deal. When I was a kid. I was like, too cool, I used to be traipsing around on this empty canvas which was the world, it was also my room, I obviously hadn't created the universe yet, I was wasting time, getting high on stuff I created, having wild sex with ladies I thought up, and generally having a good time. This was when I was like, twelve or something. By the time I was in my late teens, I had an emo phase. You all know what I'm talking about right? Wearing mascara, dressing in black, cutting myself, creating corners in nowhere just so I could sulk by it. Then I went completely Goth. I decided to see what it would be like to make my room completely black. And that happened.

The world was black, but kinda boring, so I, being the smartass teenager I was, started tossing bottle rockets in the world. Now, at this point my place (the world) wasn't particularly a big place, so bottle rockets were obviously not a good idea. I mean, the minute they went off I was like, "Ohshitohshitohshitohshit DUCK!"

And that was the Big Bang. No it had nothing to do with sex, you don't get a lot of pussy being Goth, you know.

Good times.